Help for the mom who disciplined her child in anger

What to do when you lost self-control and disciplined in anger

 You disciplined in anger? Parenting can reveal our most tender hurts and stretch us. There's no such thing as a perfect parent, and you shouldn't try to be a perfect parent. But there are some tips on how you can manage the emotions that lead to anger.No matter what kind of  discipline you choose for your child, I bet you've wondered if you're making the right choice. It's so difficult to walk the line of structure and grace that your child needs to learn to manage their emotions and eventually grow into a mature Christian. And when your own emotions and trials get thrown into the picture, things can get uncomfortable quickly.

Your child needs correction and discipline just like you do as an adult. They need accountability and direction. But what if you let your emotions get in the way of healthy discipline?Discipline was necessary but the loss of self-control was not.What do you do when you erupt in anger when your child disobeys?

Apologize

It might be painful for you to admit to your child your wrongdoing, but it really is necessary to apologize to your child. They need a framework of 1. what healthy discipline looks like when they have kids someday, and 2. what mature people do when they mess up. The best teaching moments are the ones that teach the teacher as well. 

Explain how you should have handled it instead.

This way, your child won't mistake the apology for “I shouldn't have punished you at all”. You can also take this opportunity to pray with your child that you will both handle the situation better next time. 

What to do when your child won't accept your apology

Your child might be doing this because there are some deeper tensions unresolved. Hurt people want to hurt people. If your child is hurt, do some relationship building.It might be more difficult in older kids/teenagers, but try to reach out to them and build some relational equity. I know this is uncomfortable for any parent to admit, but this is an extremely important matter, and it does deserve your attention.See also: 7 Practical Ways to Connect with Your Teen 

Later, take some time to examine your motives

Anger is usually a secondary emotion. Replay the explosion in your head and try to discern what could have caused you to become angry.There are 5 basic, tender emotions that we try to cover up with anger. This tender feeling is felt right before we feel the anger coming on. Examine these motives and try to deal with these emotions in a healthier way.Are you feeling hurt?Are you feeling scared?Are you feeling rejected?Are you feeling frustrated?Are you feeling humiliated?Once you are familiar with these primary motives, you might be able to stop yourself before you explode in anger. Take steps (even baby steps) to deal with these emotions on your own, and try not to burden your children with them.

Grace for the parent who blew up and discplined in anger

One last tip: take this moment of discipline directed toward your child and discipline yourself.Preach the gospel to yourself. Here's what that looks like in case you've not heard that phrase.

• Remember God's goodness to you.
• Remember that you are a child of God.
• Confess your sin to the Father.
• Next, take a deep breath and rest in His power and provision.
• Finally, accept the Gospel in how it applies to this situation.

“Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest. Take my yoke upon you and learn from me, for I am gentle and humble in heart, and you will find rest for your souls. For my yoke is easy and my burden is light.”Matthew 11:28-30

Dear mama, be led to Christ instead of anger

Parenting can reveal our most tender hurts and stretch us beyond any other experience. There's no such thing as a perfect parent, and you shouldn't try to be a perfect parent. You should rest in God's goodness. Rest in His love and power, and meditate on His goodness. The feelings that you have that lead you to anger? Take steps to Christ in your hurts. 

What about you?

Do you feel that those primary emotions really do lead to anger? What should a mother do instead when she feels those emotions?  *If you purchase a book from the below recommendations (or purchase anything using the search bar), The ministry of Christ-Centered Mama might receive a small commission from your purchase that will not affect your cost. Thanks for your support!*

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